The Wall
by Beezlebub Skywalker
Summary: A little vignette that came into my head whilst listening to Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Padme's thoughts on her husband's actions in ROTS. Reviews much appreciated!


Authors' note: Hey guys! It's been such a long time since I've posted anything here…so anyway, I'm back now, with much more free time than I could ever have hoped for. Anyways, I thought I'd start with something small to start off with…here's one I wrote up after reading the ROTS novelisation and listening to one of my favourite Pink Floyd albums, "The Wall". A fantastic album…I recommend it to everyone! BTW, only 11 days till ROTS!

"_All alone, or in twos, the ones who really love you, walk up and down outside the wall"._

"_But it was only a fantasy. The Wall was too high as you can see. No matter how he tried he could not break free, and the worms ate into his brain" – _Roger Waters, Pink Floyd.

The Wall

Anakin Skywalker, my husband, has always been good at building things. When I first meet him, all those years ago in Watto's spare parts shop, he had already built Threepio from scratch and with a little help from my Jedi companions, he was able to complete his own pod-racer too. It is still an amazing sight, to watch his slender hands at work on a new addition to his star fighter, or yet another gadget for R2. The look of intense concentration in his eyes, the delight when an engine roars back into life. In some ways it is very simple, primal even, yet so very Anakin. Fixing things becomes a welcome distraction for him in times of grief or peril. It is a focus for life's frustrations, an unemotional, simplistic task to set his body and mind to, for a man who has always and will always feel too much.

Recently he has ceased to even feign interest in anything he used to enjoy. That spark of invention or need to scribble some crack pot design on his hand in the middle of a delegation dinner has vanished. Nothing seems to attract and maintain his attention anymore; nothing appears to reignite that flame of inspiration inside his heart and mind. The disheartened sigh when he thinks I'm not looking, the slump in his shoulders when he makes a rare escape to my apartment…I notice it all and my heart weeps.

The only thing Anakin appears to be building at the moment is a wall between his heart and the rest of the galaxy. It started off slowly, indignantly… a few bricks here and there, when his mother died. Shmi's violent end became the strong, enduring foundations of something that has become unbreakable the three years since her death. That look in his eyes as he had fiddled absentmindedly with a spare part in the Lars's homestead. I have never forgotten. The confused mix of overwhelming grief and despair, and something else, something deeper that I like to deny I ever saw. But it was there…oh, it was there alright.

Fear.

Pure, mind-numbing, soul destroying fear. Anakin is a powerful Jedi, even back then as Obi-Wan's apprentice he displayed lightsaber skills that surpassed those of many of his peers. This power is not just physical; he has a brilliant, intelligent and thoughtful mind too. Right now his thoughts dwell on my destiny. A few days ago, I woke to find him gone from our bed, curtains billowing wildly in the night breeze. Sliding out from underneath the covers in a daze, I heard a soft, plaintive weeping sound emanating from the balcony. Slipping on a suitably warm bed robe I approached my husband. He was stood, his back facing me in a vain attempt to disguise the sorrows I could so easily detect on his face. I laid a hand on gently on his still trembling arm and whispered words of comfort.

_"You're going to die in childbirth"._

That was all he had said. That was all he himself needed to believe, to convince himself that he needed to obtain more power, more knowledge of the Force. His dreams of course have always become rather literal premonitions of future events. I believed what he had to say without a shadow of a doubt in my mind. I trust Anakin with my life, yet I refuse to believe that these premonitions always act themselves out. I tried to reassure him, offering various antidotes on how there was nowhere safer to give birth than Coruscant, but he was having none of it. I love him with all my heart, but even I readily admit that he has faults. Anakin was born with an obsessive desire to always lust for more of everything from life. He is still only 21 standard years old, yet all the galaxies in the universe or any number of "impossible tasks" satisfies his hunger for still more. This is one of his greatest flaws, yet irretrievably his greatest strength. Never being satisfied with life has to offer essentially allowed him to escape the clutch's Watto on Tatooine. Never being satisfied allowed him to soar up through his initial Jedi training, to be where he is now - the youngest person ever to make the transition from padawan learner to Jedi Knight. Anakin was one of those rare people who dreamed of a better life, and through sheer hard work and spirit, achieved them.

Yet even now he is safe back here in Coruscant, it has barely been a day and his mind is already occupied by more premonitions. As strong willed as Anakin is, his pretences are being shattered. I have witnessed it first hand, particularly when he is around Chancellor Palpatine. I always believed myself to be a fair judge of character, but with recent events I have found less and less reason to trust that man. He is playing the Senate…playing Anakin to a state of high emotion, whipping the galaxy into a frenzy over the Clone Wars. It was a grave mistake allowing him emergency powers, looking back now, I can see that. Anakin's power has not gone unrecognised, either by the Jedi or Palpatine, yet it's his relationship with the Chancellor that causes me concern. There is something about him, I can't quite pin point it exactly. He's far more intelligent than even he lets on…and he's messing with Anakin's head, putting false hopes and desires where they only serve to cause more hurt and despair.

"I can save you Padmé" he keeps insisting, "I can save you if I become a Master".

Ironically, his best efforts have led to the exact opposite effect. Now his dreams of a simpler life for me and our child are forced to the dark recesses of his mind. Politics has come between us. I remember the sullen, passive look on his face as I presented the Senator's petition to the Chancellor. I desperately tried to gain eye contact, but his eyes refused to find mine across the room.

The wall is picking up pace as I speak. Each distempered word between us layers another brick on the wall, further cementing his mind, his feelings from me. Anakin is a stubborn man, but he is not easily fooled. He knows something is wrong, something deep down inside of him is stirring. An unidentifiable something is cementing these bricks so solidly and compactly together, that there is no hope of me even clawing my nails at the mortar. He knows this, and this makes him fear himself even more.

Obi-Wan visited me again today. He knows of our love for each other, I think in some ways, he knew all along. He too is concerned.

"I do love him Padmé…but most of all, I'm afraid for him" he confessed, shaking his head in utter despair. It was to be the last time we would meet, and live to tell the tale.

It seems even the greatest of Anakin's friends can no longer reach him. Anakin dismissed Obi-Wan, claiming he can no longer trust him, that he and the Jedi are traitors.

Those days seem so long ago now, so distant in my memory. Even then I hoped that my Anakin, the man I married would come back to me, that the sullen, lifeless look in his eyes would forever be cast away. Hope is a vain emotion in a world of confusion and mistrust. I do not believe that Anakin even rightly feels proper emotions anymore…certainly none of love. Yet hope does linger on, even in the most repressive of climates.

So now here I am. A last stand on the planet of Mustafar, a last attempt to pull my body over this wall he has created. It has become impenetrable, unmovable. I claw desperately at the bricks, my hands bleeding and aching.

"Anakin, I love you" I cry, my voice raw with emotion.

Then I feel a tight pressure coming across my throat. My airways are constricting rapidly and my sight becomes blurred. Yet I press on, heaving my body torturously towards the summit. I know in my heart, he is doing this. My cries grow weaker and weaker, and eventually my voice fails altogether. Still, I force myself on. Something burns inside me, giving me the strength, the determination to carry on. Grasping hold of the top of the wall I heave my aching body as high as I can. And for one brief moment, Anakin turns and faces me. His eyes, for the first time in weeks, are caught in my gaze and he _sees_ me. The pressure on my throat abates for a brief second.

"Come back to me" I whisper with what little air is left in my lungs.

He paused for what seems like an eternity. A myriad of emotions flicker across his pained face, and the tight grip he has on his saber falters.

Holding a trembling hand out I smile at him wearily.

"Padmé?" he chokes, blinking as if he has woken from another of his nightmares.

I nod, my cheeks now wet with tears of relief. He takes a hesitant step towards me. Setting his foot on the wall, he clambers slowly towards me. Just as he is within arms length his eyes flash in anger.

I turn around.

Obi-Wan is stood behind me, his face set in a grim line of determination.

"You traitor! You brought him here to kill me didn't you!" he rasps, his nostrils flaring with unabated rage.

"No! Anakin, trust me, please, I would never hurt you!" I hear myself cry.

"Step away from him Padmé, he's not the man he used to be…" hollers Obi-Wan, unclasping his lightsaber from his belt.

"He's not Anakin".

My throat begins to tighten again, and I choke upon my own tears. It's now, right at the end that I understand. This wall is not mine to climb, it never has been…Anakin is the one trapped, unable to break free. His mind has built this gradually over the past three years, maybe unnoticed at first, perhaps encouraged near the end. Only he can make the journey, only he can choose to climb it, to scale the heights of fear and rejoice in the love of those who care for him. And right now, he is not about to make that choice.

"_He's not Anakin"._

These words echo in my head as I realise the truth at long last. My breath falters and my grip on the wall fails. And as I fall I smile. Because I know that I will not be the last to tempt Anakin to this task, this challenge for his very soul. Love will prevail and live on, through the lives we created together in those last days of contentment. They will break down the bricks and mortar and tear away the black hole in their father's heart. Now I can see - the wall is not indestructible after all, it only needs to be damaged in enough places to allow Anakin to do the rest. And one day, when's he's ready he will, I know he will.

I sense Obi-Wan beside me now, and other voices I do not recognise. Time seems to stand still. Then I hear a soft cry…and another. And for a brief moment, I open my tired eyes to see them.

_Luke and Leia._

"Hold on Padmé", pleads Obi-Wan. Gathering all my remaining strength I hand him the japor snippet that has been hidden beneath the folds of my clothes for so long.

"There is still good in him, I know there is", I whisper, and then the world around me goes dark. I float in a world somewhere between that of the living and the dead. Yet oddly, my head has not felt so clear for a long time. At last, after drifting for what seems like an eternity I open my eyes, refreshed and ready to accept my destiny.

I can see them now, in the distant future, a blur of faces, a flutter of emotions and scattered dreams…our children, our beautiful children.

_Love will prevail._

As always, all comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!


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